Here are a few "catch up" pictures to fill in the gap since my last blog.
Catching up:
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| Feb 17, 2016(Happy Birthday Lisa) Naomi getting ready for a walk with me |
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| Feb 23, 2016 Beautiful sunset while dad and I were at the beach. (It was taken through a car window of a moving car). Still I wanted remember this beach trip |
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| Feb 25, 2016 Naomi seeing the "rainbow maker" rainbow on the wall |
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| Feb 25, 2016 A rainbow on her tummy |
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| March 4, 2016 Beckham in his new big boy sitting toy. Coming home to Beckham makes missing Naomi a little more bearable. |
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| March 6, 2016 Cameron getting ready to ask Katie to Hillgrove HS Prom(she is out on her long run) |
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| March 12, 2016 Katie ready to go to Harrison HS Prom--So Pretty!!! |
Remembering:
This past week I got an email from a friend(Not in our current ward). She is about the same age as Christie. It was really fun to hear from her. In her email she also told me she was feeling overwhelmed and stressed from the demands of her life. She asked me for some "words of wisdom" to survive. My initial reaction was an ache in my heart. Everything she was stressed about I remember so vividly and all those same stressed overwhelmed feelings of falling short came rushing back to my mind.
Dad read my response and suggested I share it with each of you--since it is approximately your same stage of life. So here ya go.... (I have changed names to keep it confidential)
Friend,
Good to hear from you.
So words or wisdom--I am not sure I have that to offer, but here are a few thing for you to think about.
First, congratulations on your husbands call to serve in your ward leadership. He is great person and has so much to offer the ward and as a help to your bishop as the bishop ministers to ward members.
Second, your feelings are NOT "awful", they are real and what you are doing is super hard.
So I guess the answer for you lays in connecting those two realities( that you and your kids need your husband and right now so does the Lord).
I only have my experience to fall back on so here is how I felt and how I dealt with that.
Chris served as EQP three times before he was called to serve in the bishopric and as bishop. During that time I had my six babies. I would love to tell you I was always grateful that Chris had this opportunity to serve, but I wasn't . There were times I dreaded his church obligations. It meant my Sundays were rushed, busy and chaotic. And I was even very organized so things would run smooth. But the reality is getting lots of little kids ready early enough, but not too early that they undid themselves is an near impossible task! It also meant that during the week after long days full of minimal adult interaction, Chris would pop in for a quick dinner and pop out to church activities.
A few things helped me during those years.
1. Deep down I really was grateful my husband was a good man who was willing and able to serve.
2. Chris never left home without first asking me if I NEEDED him to stay home. I always WANTED him to stay home with me, but I don't remember ever asking him to stay. Just having him ask meant a lot--letting me be part of that decision helped change my attitude. It let me know his service was partly my service (Chris could not serve effectively without my help). And having me be part of that decision empowered me instead of me left feeling like I had no say in the change of our family dynamic. I have no doubt your husband thinks the same--you and the kids are absolutely his priority!
3. It was because of his time-intensive church service that Chris and I made priorities that really blessed our family over the years. We decided when he did have recreation time , that time would be used wisely--so anytime Chris did "play", he did it with family. Chris loves to fish and hunt and he never did that just with friends he always took along a kid or two. That gave me a break and gave him one on one time with our kiddos. It set a pattern for our family that really helped in those teenage years. There is nothing like playing with your kids that develops trust and feelings of worth for a child.
4. Although Chris never disclosed confidential stuff, he would share some of the challenges ward members faced. (So he would either tell me "so and so" is having a hard time OR he would tell me some challenging situations without telling me who was dealing with those challenges). Then in our nightly prayers as couple we would always pray for the ward members--I really believe this helped me to develop empathy and love for ward members. I was then more willing to share my husband's time so that ward members burdens could be lifted a little.
5. As for your kids--Whatever life is, becomes normal for them. They will follow your lead. So, if you can find ways to delight in his current service they will too. Little things will do the trick--- On Sunday, you can say dad is helping Bishop right now, but when he gets home we are going to watch this show or play this game. While dad is helping bishop let's get the house picked up and bake cookies or get ice cream bowls out or pop popcorn etc.
6. And sometimes it is okay for your husband to miss a church obligation to watch a soccer game or attend a piano recital.
Whether its mom or dad who serve in "big" callings. I think the bottom line is making sure family knows they are first priority and completely loved. Now that my kids are grown, I think they always knew they were (are) our first priority and our greatest desire was to hang out with them. When we were not with them because of a church calling, they had confidence that our absence was absolutely necessary.
Hang in there. I feel certain you will look back and be grateful for this time.
I hope this helps a little, you are amazing and feeling overwhelmed and stressed and even a little resentful of the change is your family doesn't make you less amazing.
And lastly and MOST IMPORTANTLY--leadership calls are for whole families. Heavenly Father has confidence in you and the kids, not just your husband. When you are really struggling, reach up for help. He is wanting and waiting to strengthen and help you!
Love,
Annette
Good to hear from you.
So words or wisdom--I am not sure I have that to offer, but here are a few thing for you to think about.
First, congratulations on your husbands call to serve in your ward leadership. He is great person and has so much to offer the ward and as a help to your bishop as the bishop ministers to ward members.
Second, your feelings are NOT "awful", they are real and what you are doing is super hard.
So I guess the answer for you lays in connecting those two realities( that you and your kids need your husband and right now so does the Lord).
I only have my experience to fall back on so here is how I felt and how I dealt with that.
Chris served as EQP three times before he was called to serve in the bishopric and as bishop. During that time I had my six babies. I would love to tell you I was always grateful that Chris had this opportunity to serve, but I wasn't . There were times I dreaded his church obligations. It meant my Sundays were rushed, busy and chaotic. And I was even very organized so things would run smooth. But the reality is getting lots of little kids ready early enough, but not too early that they undid themselves is an near impossible task! It also meant that during the week after long days full of minimal adult interaction, Chris would pop in for a quick dinner and pop out to church activities.
A few things helped me during those years.
1. Deep down I really was grateful my husband was a good man who was willing and able to serve.
2. Chris never left home without first asking me if I NEEDED him to stay home. I always WANTED him to stay home with me, but I don't remember ever asking him to stay. Just having him ask meant a lot--letting me be part of that decision helped change my attitude. It let me know his service was partly my service (Chris could not serve effectively without my help). And having me be part of that decision empowered me instead of me left feeling like I had no say in the change of our family dynamic. I have no doubt your husband thinks the same--you and the kids are absolutely his priority!
3. It was because of his time-intensive church service that Chris and I made priorities that really blessed our family over the years. We decided when he did have recreation time , that time would be used wisely--so anytime Chris did "play", he did it with family. Chris loves to fish and hunt and he never did that just with friends he always took along a kid or two. That gave me a break and gave him one on one time with our kiddos. It set a pattern for our family that really helped in those teenage years. There is nothing like playing with your kids that develops trust and feelings of worth for a child.
4. Although Chris never disclosed confidential stuff, he would share some of the challenges ward members faced. (So he would either tell me "so and so" is having a hard time OR he would tell me some challenging situations without telling me who was dealing with those challenges). Then in our nightly prayers as couple we would always pray for the ward members--I really believe this helped me to develop empathy and love for ward members. I was then more willing to share my husband's time so that ward members burdens could be lifted a little.
5. As for your kids--Whatever life is, becomes normal for them. They will follow your lead. So, if you can find ways to delight in his current service they will too. Little things will do the trick--- On Sunday, you can say dad is helping Bishop right now, but when he gets home we are going to watch this show or play this game. While dad is helping bishop let's get the house picked up and bake cookies or get ice cream bowls out or pop popcorn etc.
6. And sometimes it is okay for your husband to miss a church obligation to watch a soccer game or attend a piano recital.
Whether its mom or dad who serve in "big" callings. I think the bottom line is making sure family knows they are first priority and completely loved. Now that my kids are grown, I think they always knew they were (are) our first priority and our greatest desire was to hang out with them. When we were not with them because of a church calling, they had confidence that our absence was absolutely necessary.
Hang in there. I feel certain you will look back and be grateful for this time.
I hope this helps a little, you are amazing and feeling overwhelmed and stressed and even a little resentful of the change is your family doesn't make you less amazing.
And lastly and MOST IMPORTANTLY--leadership calls are for whole families. Heavenly Father has confidence in you and the kids, not just your husband. When you are really struggling, reach up for help. He is wanting and waiting to strengthen and help you!
Love,
Annette
Family News:
1. It is finally warm enough to put outside toys up in St Michael Minnesota. Yah for trampolines, play houses and slides!
2. Drew and Jessica had a bump in the closing of their home. Let's hope this upcoming week brings a resolution so they can move forward.
3. Congrats to Zach for passing the NCLEX and for having such a good week of interviewing in Raleigh NC. We are proud of both Lori and Zach, this past six months have been hard!
4. Lisa was officially accepted into Animal Science at BYUi --it pays off to petition and beg and plead :). She has also been approved to have her work experience over the past 6 month count as her college internship.
5. Congratulations Katie Jo--she was accepted into BYU Provo and BYU Idaho. After a couple weeks of weighing her options she has decided to attend BYU Provo starting Fall 2016!
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